Back at HWS again after a rather fabulous adventure of a semester. Feeling slightly odd in a place that was once so familiar, especially when walking into Saga. But eh, it occurs.
A rundown so far:
Burst into tears as soon as I saw the sign that so cheerily states 'Welcome to Geneva: Trout Capital of the World'. I am not sure whether I was crying at the fact that it said 'Geneva' or 'Trout Capital', but either way I was pretty pathetically bawling.
Hit up Res-ed for my key, enter my room, and much to my delight discover I have not one but TWO sweet windows, one of which looks directly into my tennis coach's office. Figures.
Unpack some stuff, have a goon reunion, mom leaves, yadda yadda yadda.
Blahhhh whatever. The point is classes are strange (sorry if I don't remember your name, it has been a while, though it is pretty cool you remember mine), the frats are filled with rando frosh who may or may not be wearing clothes which is always good, the gym is new and gorgeous and made me confused to where I was when I first walked in. But yet some things never change, such as Saga stomach, awkward run-ins while out, and ending up eating nachos at 3 AM, which leads to a fuzzy head alll of the next day, but I guess I deserved it.
It's good to be back on the tennis court, especially now that I have those sweet bright pink knee socks to wear to be extra goonish.
What elseeee, I don't know, it is not England, but that is not a bad thing. Nothing (except for the gym and new odd frosh) changed at Hobart, which is also not necessarily a bad thing. I perhaps changed slightly, I guess the bangs aka fringe make me look 'more European' and last night I was advised by multiple people to grow them out which is just a nutty proposal and sorry friends, is not happening, cause i likeee themmmm. Also I have become slightly more awkward considering as I don't really know people here anymore and then don't know what to do when see somebody I kind of know. But eh, life is pretty decent, so why change what works?
Soundtrack:
The Avett Brothers- Brooklyn
Kesha- Tik Tok
Timbaland feat. Nelly Furtado- Morning after Dark
Holiday Shores- Dens
Animal Collective- Brother Sport
Enjoy the awkwardness of the semi-newness that is the new year at Hobart hobart hobart ayyyyy.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
and these strange steps take us back
flow sweetly, hang heavy, you suddenly complete me, hysterical.
I just re-read through my like 4 posts I have done so far and realized that each of them has the distinct tone of being slightly, well, depressed. Which is odd, considering as in person I am nothing like this whatsoever. But there you have it, I guess blogging perhaps bring out the emotional almost-artist in me. Whatever.
These past weeks have been almost unbearable. Coming back home was the biggest letdown of my life. After the bright lights and extreme newness of the U.K, the good old eightohtwo seemed too small and, for lack of a better description, quaint for me. Which upset me greatly because I realized that that makes me sound like some pretentious city-slicker who is now able to navigate the London underground successfully while carrying 3 pieces of luggage and not once looking at a map, someone who browsed Harrod's but couldn't find a lion there, somebody who regularly took trains to various cities and stayed in hostels, all without batting an eye. The first time I drove into Burlington I started crying because it hit me that it was one street. What. The. Heck. Then I went to NYC this past week and hated that too, which must make me completely anti-American, or just a wanna-be European. (And no, we will not be attending a comedy show tonight, thank you).
This is a typical day for me at home: wake up at the buttcrack of dawn aka 6:20, stumble into a black t-shirt and jeans, force some cereal and yogurt down, brush my teeth, start my car at 4:43 and sometimes brush approximately 33 inches of snow off of it, buzz down shelburne road at 6:50 but still end up late to work at Bruegger's at 7. Then I have to do something gross like prep turkey into 1.9 ounce sections or pour gobs of mayo into a squeezy container, all while trying to pretend to love life the instant a 'guest' walks in the door. I will typically work 7-8 hours a day, then force myself to go to the gym where i do mad reps duh or play tennis, which is sweet considering my new shoulder and stuff but annoying cause i kind of suck right now. Then I go home, annoy my mom, take a shower, eat dinner, read, and fall asleep at 9. REPEAT. EXCITING.
This just gets me thinking though, shouldn't I appreciate all of this a bit more? sure, it is not the stimulation of the UK, with new places to go and people to meet and things to see and pictures to take and dancing to do and train rides to get excited over and never being fully sure what just happened or what will or what could happen but it is home, but it is home. It should be what I know, but currently I am not sure what I know because it all got twisted around recently. Everything has to end and change and continue and begin again but secretly I was hoping that life didn't happen and I could deal with it all. But I can't and that is too bad.
So there it is. I need to recenter and get reconnected with my world here.
Thank you Karen O for getting me through the 'reverse culture shock'
Enjoy the re immersion.
I just re-read through my like 4 posts I have done so far and realized that each of them has the distinct tone of being slightly, well, depressed. Which is odd, considering as in person I am nothing like this whatsoever. But there you have it, I guess blogging perhaps bring out the emotional almost-artist in me. Whatever.
These past weeks have been almost unbearable. Coming back home was the biggest letdown of my life. After the bright lights and extreme newness of the U.K, the good old eightohtwo seemed too small and, for lack of a better description, quaint for me. Which upset me greatly because I realized that that makes me sound like some pretentious city-slicker who is now able to navigate the London underground successfully while carrying 3 pieces of luggage and not once looking at a map, someone who browsed Harrod's but couldn't find a lion there, somebody who regularly took trains to various cities and stayed in hostels, all without batting an eye. The first time I drove into Burlington I started crying because it hit me that it was one street. What. The. Heck. Then I went to NYC this past week and hated that too, which must make me completely anti-American, or just a wanna-be European. (And no, we will not be attending a comedy show tonight, thank you).
This is a typical day for me at home: wake up at the buttcrack of dawn aka 6:20, stumble into a black t-shirt and jeans, force some cereal and yogurt down, brush my teeth, start my car at 4:43 and sometimes brush approximately 33 inches of snow off of it, buzz down shelburne road at 6:50 but still end up late to work at Bruegger's at 7. Then I have to do something gross like prep turkey into 1.9 ounce sections or pour gobs of mayo into a squeezy container, all while trying to pretend to love life the instant a 'guest' walks in the door. I will typically work 7-8 hours a day, then force myself to go to the gym where i do mad reps duh or play tennis, which is sweet considering my new shoulder and stuff but annoying cause i kind of suck right now. Then I go home, annoy my mom, take a shower, eat dinner, read, and fall asleep at 9. REPEAT. EXCITING.
This just gets me thinking though, shouldn't I appreciate all of this a bit more? sure, it is not the stimulation of the UK, with new places to go and people to meet and things to see and pictures to take and dancing to do and train rides to get excited over and never being fully sure what just happened or what will or what could happen but it is home, but it is home. It should be what I know, but currently I am not sure what I know because it all got twisted around recently. Everything has to end and change and continue and begin again but secretly I was hoping that life didn't happen and I could deal with it all. But I can't and that is too bad.
So there it is. I need to recenter and get reconnected with my world here.
Thank you Karen O for getting me through the 'reverse culture shock'
Enjoy the re immersion.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
everywhere i go i feel like i;m home.
So my arrival to VT has occurred. I am back in the glorious eightohtwo, still jet-lagged and not wanting to leave my house because I miss England so much. Today I watched 3 episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm and 4 of Sex and the City, went on a walk around a neighborhood which I didn't quite recognize because I didn't want to, cooked a TON of food because all I feel like doing is eating and sleeping, talked to a few lovely friends at HWS, and am slowly making my way through all of the British Top 40 songs on YouTube to remind myself of Mercy and LCR nights (hey, it is Tuesday!!)
The point is, being home is weird. To quote Trevor Hall 'everywhere I go I feel like I'm home' and I thought that was true until I got home from a surreal experience that I am still not quite sure if it actually happened. Which is pretty nutty if you ask me. I mean, three months and 2,000 dollars later I am not exactly sure what even happened over there. Maybe it just needs to settle into my brain which is not capable of thinking right now. Yep.
Oh the eightohtwo. It is crazy that two days ago I was in London and am now here. But all things go and things end and we must accept that. So yeah, on to the new adventures, which will involve bagels and not having emotional breakdowns while re-learning how to play tennis.
Enjoy the reinventing the old.
xxxxxxx
The point is, being home is weird. To quote Trevor Hall 'everywhere I go I feel like I'm home' and I thought that was true until I got home from a surreal experience that I am still not quite sure if it actually happened. Which is pretty nutty if you ask me. I mean, three months and 2,000 dollars later I am not exactly sure what even happened over there. Maybe it just needs to settle into my brain which is not capable of thinking right now. Yep.
Oh the eightohtwo. It is crazy that two days ago I was in London and am now here. But all things go and things end and we must accept that. So yeah, on to the new adventures, which will involve bagels and not having emotional breakdowns while re-learning how to play tennis.
Enjoy the reinventing the old.
xxxxxxx
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
money money money
Recently I had an epic moment of brilliance. Okay, maybe it wasn't THAT epic, and maybe it wasn't as brilliant as I first thought, but it was still one of those moments that hit me and almost knocked the wind out of me (which has not properly happened since I was knocked out with a soccer ball in 3rd grade. But I digress). This is what happened:
I was hiking up Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh Scotland, heading deeper and deeper into the typical Scotland fog. Ahead of me was fog, all around me was fog, and below me was a deep green, very muddy, very long grass. Gen was behind me. All of a sudden it hit me: I am hiking up a hill in Scotland that on a clear day overlooks all of Edinburgh. I have paid for this trip myself. I am walking into the fog, nothing else matters. I may never again be doing this in this exact mindset that I am in today. Sounds pretty typical, what is the moment of brilliance, you ask? Well, the fact that I stopped and appreciated it. Now I sound all high and mighty- let me rephrase.
Most of my time over here has had the ethereal quality of a Virginia Woolf novel- moving slowly without a real purpose or direction, experiences happen and they don't happen. It still hasn't really hit me that I am here, each new experience I have takes a while to process and even then, probably because I am not a computer, it doesn't process fully. The moment in Scotland processed and was the first one to do so. Sounds nutty I know, but there was something about being there that was really grounding. It could have been the fresh air, who knows. The most important thing I took out of that moment- sure, my bank account is down a thousand dollars (effing exchange rate), but my experiences are up up up. Money comes and goes, I will make it back in time, but experiences are forever. The key is to know when to spend the money to take advantage of them. Hey, I may be broke and spend this winter and next semester on a strict strict strict budget but in the long run I will be happier that I spent the money to gain life experiences than to know that I saved money and missed out.
and that, my friends, is my speech on why I am not worried that I blew my life savings (twenty years worth) on 4 epic, epic months.
Soundtrack- Trevor Hall
Enjoy the exchange rate.
I was hiking up Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh Scotland, heading deeper and deeper into the typical Scotland fog. Ahead of me was fog, all around me was fog, and below me was a deep green, very muddy, very long grass. Gen was behind me. All of a sudden it hit me: I am hiking up a hill in Scotland that on a clear day overlooks all of Edinburgh. I have paid for this trip myself. I am walking into the fog, nothing else matters. I may never again be doing this in this exact mindset that I am in today. Sounds pretty typical, what is the moment of brilliance, you ask? Well, the fact that I stopped and appreciated it. Now I sound all high and mighty- let me rephrase.
Most of my time over here has had the ethereal quality of a Virginia Woolf novel- moving slowly without a real purpose or direction, experiences happen and they don't happen. It still hasn't really hit me that I am here, each new experience I have takes a while to process and even then, probably because I am not a computer, it doesn't process fully. The moment in Scotland processed and was the first one to do so. Sounds nutty I know, but there was something about being there that was really grounding. It could have been the fresh air, who knows. The most important thing I took out of that moment- sure, my bank account is down a thousand dollars (effing exchange rate), but my experiences are up up up. Money comes and goes, I will make it back in time, but experiences are forever. The key is to know when to spend the money to take advantage of them. Hey, I may be broke and spend this winter and next semester on a strict strict strict budget but in the long run I will be happier that I spent the money to gain life experiences than to know that I saved money and missed out.
and that, my friends, is my speech on why I am not worried that I blew my life savings (twenty years worth) on 4 epic, epic months.
Soundtrack- Trevor Hall
Enjoy the exchange rate.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
you'll find love so take me with you, always
Here we are now. 17 days left in my time here (and yes my number of blogs during my time here is extremely pathetic, I know). It is amazing how when transitions are sneaking up on your brain gets all confused and emotional for no apparent reason except, it seems, to remind you that yes, a transition is coming up.
17 days. Reminds me a glorified Ratatat song- '17 years'-'now i've been rapping for about 17 years, i just take things from my head, no disrespect, that's just how i am'.
Thanksgiving. I woke up in tears. There have only been 2 other times when I have woken up in tears. You never actually think you will miss the things you do until you start to miss them, and then you are wondering why you didn't think you would miss them in the first place.
It is also odd, seeing as I will be home sooo soon and missing all of this, to miss being home. Things progress and change and adapt and dissolve and become and go and move and shake and be and dissolve again and memories are created and forgotten and re-remembered and created again and new ones come in and push the old out into the open and closed spaces of the brain we thought we may have lost until BAM they suddenly appear and haunt us and as soon as they do that inner emotional stirring of nothingness or everything-ness or happiness or extreme terror rises rises and then BAM it is there and we have to confront it without falling completely to pieces externally.
That is where I am now. Wishing for the comfort of home, of still being in bed waking up to a scent of fresh coffee and watching Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, of staying in my pajamas until 1 Pm when we will go for a walk in the brisk fall air and crunch on leaves, our thoughts on the upcoming meal. Then we will eat copious amounts of food until we can't eat anymore and lie flat on the floor, playing a board game wish I will probably lose.
All of that will be there next year, now it is time to mentally be here, in full. There is nothing worse than cheating yourself of your present moment and experience. So be here, enjoy the now, we have nothing more than that.
Soundtrack: Au Revoire Simone's 'Sad Song':
Play me a sad song
'Cause that’s what I want to hear
I want you to make me cry
I want to remember the places that we left
Lost to the mists of time
I know that you’ll go soon
You’ll find out so take me with you always
I know that you’ll go soon
You’ll find out so take me with you always
On buses that move through the night
We sleep on and on
We got off at Memphis
Black-top heat will make us thirsty
We’ll never get sick anymore
I know that you’ll go soon
You’ll find out so take me with you always
I know that you’ll go soon
You’ll find out so take me with you always
Play me a sad song
'Cause that’s what I want to hear
I want you to make me cry
I want to remember the places that we left
Lost to the mists of time
Enjoy the memories, and today, enjoy the turkey!
17 days. Reminds me a glorified Ratatat song- '17 years'-'now i've been rapping for about 17 years, i just take things from my head, no disrespect, that's just how i am'.
Thanksgiving. I woke up in tears. There have only been 2 other times when I have woken up in tears. You never actually think you will miss the things you do until you start to miss them, and then you are wondering why you didn't think you would miss them in the first place.
It is also odd, seeing as I will be home sooo soon and missing all of this, to miss being home. Things progress and change and adapt and dissolve and become and go and move and shake and be and dissolve again and memories are created and forgotten and re-remembered and created again and new ones come in and push the old out into the open and closed spaces of the brain we thought we may have lost until BAM they suddenly appear and haunt us and as soon as they do that inner emotional stirring of nothingness or everything-ness or happiness or extreme terror rises rises and then BAM it is there and we have to confront it without falling completely to pieces externally.
That is where I am now. Wishing for the comfort of home, of still being in bed waking up to a scent of fresh coffee and watching Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, of staying in my pajamas until 1 Pm when we will go for a walk in the brisk fall air and crunch on leaves, our thoughts on the upcoming meal. Then we will eat copious amounts of food until we can't eat anymore and lie flat on the floor, playing a board game wish I will probably lose.
All of that will be there next year, now it is time to mentally be here, in full. There is nothing worse than cheating yourself of your present moment and experience. So be here, enjoy the now, we have nothing more than that.
Soundtrack: Au Revoire Simone's 'Sad Song':
Play me a sad song
'Cause that’s what I want to hear
I want you to make me cry
I want to remember the places that we left
Lost to the mists of time
I know that you’ll go soon
You’ll find out so take me with you always
I know that you’ll go soon
You’ll find out so take me with you always
On buses that move through the night
We sleep on and on
We got off at Memphis
Black-top heat will make us thirsty
We’ll never get sick anymore
I know that you’ll go soon
You’ll find out so take me with you always
I know that you’ll go soon
You’ll find out so take me with you always
Play me a sad song
'Cause that’s what I want to hear
I want you to make me cry
I want to remember the places that we left
Lost to the mists of time
Enjoy the memories, and today, enjoy the turkey!
Monday, November 9, 2009
you were right about the stars
each one is a setting sun.
first Wilco show- Flynn Theatre, BTV, grade 8, with mom, the year Yankee Hotel Foxtrot dropped. Front row balcony seats, went crazy when 'Heavy Metal Drummer' was played. That was when I first realized that I was massively in love with Jeff Tweedy.
second Wilco show- Shelburne Museum, summer after grade 12. Excellent outdoor venue, family friendly picnic-ing. When I realized I would do anything to be Jeff Tweedy's number one groupie.
third Wilco show- Leeds, England, UK, junior year. Tightest show yet. Amazing. When I realized I would give anything to be a part of Jeff Tweedy's family (preferably wife, marry me now). The set list:
1. Wilco (The Song) 2. A Shot In The Arm 3. Bull Black Nova 4. You Are My Face 5. One Wing 6. I Am Trying To Break Your Heart 7. Muzzle Of Bees 8. Radio Cure 9. Impossible Germany 10. I'll Fight 11. Handshake Drugs 12. Sonny Feeling 13. Jesus, Etc. 14. Theologians 15. I'm The Man Who Loves You 16. Hummingbird // E1: 17. Poor Places 18. Spiders (Kidsmoke) // E2: 19. Hate It Here 20. Walken 21. Heavy Metal Drummer 22. Can't Stand It 23. I'm A Wheel
I don't think I stopped moving the entire show. Highlights: when Tweedy called an audience member out for acting upset, then apologized with 'sorry you had to see my angry face'. When Glenn Kotche (the super talented, super fly drummer) arose holding his sticks in the power position. When 'Poor Places' fused into 'Spiders (kidsmoke)'. When they would turn to one another and have private jam sessions on stage. Any time Tweedy opened his mouth. Epic.
There is a certain high that one feels after seeing a great show. It is a combination of awe, of endorphins courtesy of the endless dancing and body movin', being in love with the main singer, and pure love and amazement at the fact that individuals are so creative and able to throw together tiny masterpieces one chord at a time. So many emotions during that show- raw, unquestioned happiness, bittersweet memories fused with small regrets of that one summer, amazement, and finally waves of physical and emotional tiredness from loving and feeling so intensely. It is amazing that watching 6 middle-aged men playing instruments on a well-lit stage can do that to do you.
Enjoy the music.
first Wilco show- Flynn Theatre, BTV, grade 8, with mom, the year Yankee Hotel Foxtrot dropped. Front row balcony seats, went crazy when 'Heavy Metal Drummer' was played. That was when I first realized that I was massively in love with Jeff Tweedy.
second Wilco show- Shelburne Museum, summer after grade 12. Excellent outdoor venue, family friendly picnic-ing. When I realized I would do anything to be Jeff Tweedy's number one groupie.
third Wilco show- Leeds, England, UK, junior year. Tightest show yet. Amazing. When I realized I would give anything to be a part of Jeff Tweedy's family (preferably wife, marry me now). The set list:
1. Wilco (The Song) 2. A Shot In The Arm 3. Bull Black Nova 4. You Are My Face 5. One Wing 6. I Am Trying To Break Your Heart 7. Muzzle Of Bees 8. Radio Cure 9. Impossible Germany 10. I'll Fight 11. Handshake Drugs 12. Sonny Feeling 13. Jesus, Etc. 14. Theologians 15. I'm The Man Who Loves You 16. Hummingbird // E1: 17. Poor Places 18. Spiders (Kidsmoke) // E2: 19. Hate It Here 20. Walken 21. Heavy Metal Drummer 22. Can't Stand It 23. I'm A Wheel
I don't think I stopped moving the entire show. Highlights: when Tweedy called an audience member out for acting upset, then apologized with 'sorry you had to see my angry face'. When Glenn Kotche (the super talented, super fly drummer) arose holding his sticks in the power position. When 'Poor Places' fused into 'Spiders (kidsmoke)'. When they would turn to one another and have private jam sessions on stage. Any time Tweedy opened his mouth. Epic.
There is a certain high that one feels after seeing a great show. It is a combination of awe, of endorphins courtesy of the endless dancing and body movin', being in love with the main singer, and pure love and amazement at the fact that individuals are so creative and able to throw together tiny masterpieces one chord at a time. So many emotions during that show- raw, unquestioned happiness, bittersweet memories fused with small regrets of that one summer, amazement, and finally waves of physical and emotional tiredness from loving and feeling so intensely. It is amazing that watching 6 middle-aged men playing instruments on a well-lit stage can do that to do you.
Enjoy the music.
Monday, November 2, 2009
and you in your autumn sweater
I always realize how much I miss fall in Vermont and Upstate New York on days like this, when there is a perfect crispy chill and the breeze wrinkles through the trees just enough to allow one or two golden leaves to float away. Fall, or shall I say Autumn, in England is nothing like Autumn in the Northeast. There are no leaves to crunch on or run through, there is no hazy orange tinge to the light around 4:30 PM (it is currently 5:05 PM here and is just about dark), there are no pumpkins, and sadly there is no left over Halloween candy. So on a day like this, when it almost feels like a proper New England (or Upstate) fall, I get super excited!
The sound track to the day changed between A.M by Wilco (who I happen to be seeing tomorrow night WORD) and Yo La Tengo's fantastic tracks 'Autumn Sweater' and 'Our Way to Fall'. It was a day of finishing and beginning, of fresh crisp air mixed with the stress of coursework deadlines, of preparing for my week away full of new adventures while being nostalgic about past memories. It was a day of red cheeks and aimless wanders while being extremely focused internally. In essence, it qualified as a Fall day in Vermont, without the piles of leaves to crunch.
For your ear's enjoyment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAaeKo09ey8&feature=related
'Our way to fall' and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgSjn_5L5xo 'autumn sweater'
And to leave you with a little poetic somethan' somethan', courtesy of Ira Kaplan:
Enjoy the fall.
The sound track to the day changed between A.M by Wilco (who I happen to be seeing tomorrow night WORD) and Yo La Tengo's fantastic tracks 'Autumn Sweater' and 'Our Way to Fall'. It was a day of finishing and beginning, of fresh crisp air mixed with the stress of coursework deadlines, of preparing for my week away full of new adventures while being nostalgic about past memories. It was a day of red cheeks and aimless wanders while being extremely focused internally. In essence, it qualified as a Fall day in Vermont, without the piles of leaves to crunch.
For your ear's enjoyment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wAaeKo09ey8&feature=related
'Our way to fall' and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgSjn_5L5xo 'autumn sweater'
And to leave you with a little poetic somethan' somethan', courtesy of Ira Kaplan:
When I heard the knock on the door
I couldn't catch my breath
Is it too late to call this off
We could slip away, wouldn't that be better
Me with nothing to say, and you in your autumn sweater
I tried my best to hide
In a crowded room, it's nearly possible
I wait for you, oh, most patiently
So I looked for your eyes
And the waves looked like they'd pour right out of them
I'll try hard, I'll try always
But it's a waste of time
It's a waste of time if I can't smile easily
Like in the beginning
In the beginning...
I couldn't catch my breath
Is it too late to call this off
We could slip away, wouldn't that be better
Me with nothing to say, and you in your autumn sweater
I tried my best to hide
In a crowded room, it's nearly possible
I wait for you, oh, most patiently
So I looked for your eyes
And the waves looked like they'd pour right out of them
I'll try hard, I'll try always
But it's a waste of time
It's a waste of time if I can't smile easily
Like in the beginning
In the beginning...
Enjoy the fall.
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