I have 9.5 (I was born at 7 ish AM June 23, 1989) hours left of being 20. That means I have 4 years to go until 25, 9 until 30, and am 8 years from my 13th birthday. holy. effing. shit. I am old.
Instead of being thrilled that I can now get my social drink on without worried about that little thing called being underage, I am terrified to the point of complete breakdown at the fact that my "younger years" are literally flying by me and I am pretty much clinging on to a string that is about to break from the force of me trying to pretend time does not actually exist. "Time" timing is everything. There is no time. I haven't had time for anything but. Wind was blowing, time stood still. Time.
I love watches. I asked for a new, colorful, chunky one for my birthday. That is probably my biggest walking irony. I hate time but love having it on me. I can't go to bed if the time does not end in 0 or 5, nor can I wake up if it 6:46 and not 6:45, per say. Many days I sit at my work desk, checking the time every hour or so, wondering when it is time for me to leave. I learned timing is everything, and we finally got it right.
Time is not measured by minutes or seconds or hours or days or years. Time is measured by fullness, lives lived and lives touched, experiences created, adventures tried, fears conquered, tears shed, obstacles met, bliss touched, pain and emptiness and sorrow that in the end makes us who we are, love felt, connections, moments when that make you think "that just happened." I have experienced all of these things. In that respect, I love time. Give it time, time heals, without time the world be chaos.
I want to experience the chaos of the world without time. I want to fall freely down down down in a timeless, zen-like state. I want to stand on the edge and feel time crash around me till I become one with it.
My impending 21st has made me realize that Jerry Garcia was right. It is "such a long, long time to be gone and a short, short time to be there"
Be present. Embrace time. Accept the chaos that comes with moving forward. Cry or yell or scream or be silent or run all night or drive all day or stay in bed with the covers on but then move on and laugh. Live, that is all we have time for.
Enjoy the time of your life.
i think i'm going to post about this song tonight. and i'll tell you all about it when you and i skype later but it's too fitting not to post as a comment. this is my favorite song of the moment (i listen to it at least twice a day)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcdlxfBnO8o