Here we are now. 17 days left in my time here (and yes my number of blogs during my time here is extremely pathetic, I know). It is amazing how when transitions are sneaking up on your brain gets all confused and emotional for no apparent reason except, it seems, to remind you that yes, a transition is coming up.
17 days. Reminds me a glorified Ratatat song- '17 years'-'now i've been rapping for about 17 years, i just take things from my head, no disrespect, that's just how i am'.
Thanksgiving. I woke up in tears. There have only been 2 other times when I have woken up in tears. You never actually think you will miss the things you do until you start to miss them, and then you are wondering why you didn't think you would miss them in the first place.
It is also odd, seeing as I will be home sooo soon and missing all of this, to miss being home. Things progress and change and adapt and dissolve and become and go and move and shake and be and dissolve again and memories are created and forgotten and re-remembered and created again and new ones come in and push the old out into the open and closed spaces of the brain we thought we may have lost until BAM they suddenly appear and haunt us and as soon as they do that inner emotional stirring of nothingness or everything-ness or happiness or extreme terror rises rises and then BAM it is there and we have to confront it without falling completely to pieces externally.
That is where I am now. Wishing for the comfort of home, of still being in bed waking up to a scent of fresh coffee and watching Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, of staying in my pajamas until 1 Pm when we will go for a walk in the brisk fall air and crunch on leaves, our thoughts on the upcoming meal. Then we will eat copious amounts of food until we can't eat anymore and lie flat on the floor, playing a board game wish I will probably lose.
All of that will be there next year, now it is time to mentally be here, in full. There is nothing worse than cheating yourself of your present moment and experience. So be here, enjoy the now, we have nothing more than that.
Soundtrack: Au Revoire Simone's 'Sad Song':
Play me a sad song
'Cause that’s what I want to hear
I want you to make me cry
I want to remember the places that we left
Lost to the mists of time
I know that you’ll go soon
You’ll find out so take me with you always
I know that you’ll go soon
You’ll find out so take me with you always
On buses that move through the night
We sleep on and on
We got off at Memphis
Black-top heat will make us thirsty
We’ll never get sick anymore
I know that you’ll go soon
You’ll find out so take me with you always
I know that you’ll go soon
You’ll find out so take me with you always
Play me a sad song
'Cause that’s what I want to hear
I want you to make me cry
I want to remember the places that we left
Lost to the mists of time
Enjoy the memories, and today, enjoy the turkey!
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