healing and learning.

whooops! started the reverb10 project late and of course already fell behind. I am going to blame that one on finishing up finals and driving home (speaking of which, does anybody have a Garmin brand GPS? I am convinced that mine has a lover in the Adirondacks, because no matter where in New York I am headed, it takes me through them. My theory is that all Garmins have a counterpart in various areas, and I'm gathering data to prove or debunk this theory).

Anyways, I'll skip ahead to today's reverb10 prompt: healing. what healed you in this year? was it sudden, or drip-by-drip? how would you like to be healed in 2011?

2010 was an interesting year in that I did not have any open wounds, per say. Nothing was explicitly wrong with me, my life, or anybody in it. My healing process, therefore, was less of a mending and more of a discovering.

I changed a lot in 2010. I guess in this way, I healed the mental severances that I held between who I used to be and who I am now. This process was extremely gradual, and began right after I returned from abroad last winter. I realized that there is more to life than what I, or anybody, am single-handedly able to experience, so we may as well make the most out of the moments we do have. I healed the part of me that used to get nervous or stressed out about schoolwork or other things. I healed the part of me that tried to hard. In that respect, I learned what was truly important and worth putting effort into and what was trivial. I healed the part of me that thought I could do everything alone. I can't. I healed, and was able to let somebody back in.

I healed the part of me that unfortunately and unattractively was always in competition with others. That is totally gone. I healed my self-doubts, turned them into encouraging thoughts.

I realize the above probably makes me sound like I think of myself as some sort of quasi-Buddha. This is the last thing I think of myself as. As I have healed mentally, I have realized by ability to help other's heal too. That, my friends, is where I want to go in 2011. I truly believe you are not capable of helping another person until you have first helped yourself. I have spent the last year helping myself, now, let's help others.

This post leads into the prompt from December 17: what have you learned about yourself?

I have learned I am a lot calmer than I thought I was. I have learned how to embrace the now and let things play out as they will. I have learned I am a writer at heart, but I am still introducing myself to my inner voice. I have learned what works for my creative process and what does not. Going forward, I will spend more time paying attention to this voice, as I have learned that more than anything, this is me. I have also learned that I can actually dance, but we will see where this goes!

Enjoy the cleansing process.